you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
