I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
