sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
