Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
