my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
