Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
