We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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