I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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