My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
