i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
