ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
