my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
