just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
