I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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