got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
