Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
