I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
