so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
