I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
