i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
