one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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