she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
