i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
