allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
