i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
