omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
