He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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