Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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