she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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