i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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