i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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