he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
