how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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