Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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