He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
we should paint friendship bongs
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
