whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
