his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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