Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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