Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
