It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
