I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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