U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
