Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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