I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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