I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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