I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
