nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
