that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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