My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
