Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
