There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
