I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
