Need sex. Gaining weight.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
