Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
